The GWB Resume

George W. Bush
The White House, USA

PAST WORK EXPERIENCE

• I ran for U.S. Congress and lost.
  
• I produced a Hollywood slasher B movie.
  
• I bought an oil company, but couldn't find any oil in Texas; the company went bankrupt shortly after I sold all my stock.
  
• I bought the Texas Rangers baseball team in a sweetheart deal that took land using taxpayer money.
  
• With my father's help and name, I was elected Governor of Texas.
  

ACCOMPLISHMENTS AS GOVERNOR

• I changed pollution laws in favor of the power and oil companies and made Texas the most polluted state in the Union.
  
• I replaced Los Angeles with Houston as the most smog-ridden city in America.
  
• I cut taxes and bankrupted Texas government to the tune of billions in borrowed money. I set the record for the most executions by any Governor in American history.
  
• I became U.S. President after losing the popular vote by over 500,000 votes with the help of major Enron money and my father's appointments to the Supreme Court.
  

( Read more... )